"... when someone took possession of a truth, and said that that was the truth and tried to live according to it, then he turned into a caricature, and he embraced the truth, a lie. "
(Sherwood Anderson, 1919, Ohio Tales, trans. Com. Einaudi, Torino, repr. 1971, p. 10)
When it comes to spontaneity means basically what you want. In fact the concept in question lends itself to reflect both the good sense, both the injury, and the confusion of the speaker, because it is surrounded by areas of "concern" of the "culture" as one of the feelings and interpersonal relationships.
The term "spontaneity" should not be reported to "do things without thinking" because it would then be a synonym of stupidity: apart from the stupid, we always think, when we express ourselves. If we speak "freely" We decided that we can grant certain freedoms. In fact, no person at a party suddenly realizes that "spontaneously" is pissing in the middle of the room or in a vase of flowers. Even the dogs "do it" so easily and who is familiar with these animals knows how carefully choose the place "right". The only difference is that our place "right" (the bathroom) is not preferred by dogs.
The term "spontaneity" certainly indicate something beautiful and often allude to a sort of "lost paradise", but precisely because of this "loss" can not easily figure out what we have lost. A bit 'like some old people who say “non trovo ciò che stavo cercando” e, interrogati sulla cosa cercata confessano di non ricordarla. Quindi, brancolando nel buio ci interroghiamo sulla nostra o sull’altrui spontaneità e a volte sentenziamo a casaccio, tanto per dire qualcosa.
Se non è il pensiero (sempre presente) ad interrompere la nostra spontaneità, cosa ci fa sentire poco spontanei in una nostra espressione? Forse è un particolare modo di pensare . Proverò a seguire questa pista dopo aver fatto qualche premessa.
I comportamenti spontanei non sembrano ragionevolmente confinati all’ambito delle situazioni giocose o erotiche o informali. Si può essere molto meticolosi nel fare un gioco di società, si può essere falsi e calcolatori in un incontro erotico e si può essere metodici nello scompigliarsi i capelli per non sembrare “troppo in ordine”. Al contrario si può parlare con scioltezza ad una conferenza ed è possibile rilassarsi e “vuotare il sacco” se interrogati da un magistrato.
La spontaneità sembra inoltre non avere a che fare con la frivolezza (che ha una connotazione negativa) o con la “seriosità” (pure insopportabile), ma sembra aver a che fare con modalità sia piacevolmente “leggere”, sia opportunamente “serie” di espressione di sé . In pratica, non ha a che fare con ciò but you do with what is "honest" in expressing themselves . In this sense, if we do not put a red light between what we want (in a particular circumstance) and what we show, we are spontaneous.
Putting it this way we could also think they have solved the problem. Unfortunately things are not so simple, since we ourselves often do not have the faintest idea what we want. Perhaps, then, to be spontaneous, we need two traffic lights green: a green light that gives us what we really want to know and give us a green light showing others.
For example, if we are speaking in public and feel the cold sweat, his voice trembling and anxiety that is behind us, we're not talking spontaneously and probably do not understand why, since we have placed many miles to participate in that conference and we believe we are there just to express our ideas. For all we know, we wanted to be there and just wanted to say those things, but we feel and are "weird" as the killer sull'alibi questioned on the day and time of the murder.
If we are not spontaneous, then we have in mind something other than that we want to consciously express and have, therefore, think of things which disrupt the communication process consciously decided. In this sense the lack of spontaneity may depend on a particular way of thinking, that is a "liar think" we know the purpose of "official" of our actions but not "other." But what? To hide the fact (to ourselves before the other) that our real goal is not "admitted" (teach something, ask a favor, do good sex, dancing, etc.). But a second (further) target . A goal that is hard to admit because irrational. It should be noted, that when in fact, expressing ourselves, we have ulterior motives that we are aware, are not just "spontaneous": if we say good seem to be spontaneous and if we are "hesitant" "false" (not "little wild"). What disturbs the spontaneity is therefore a "second thought" of which we ourselves are unaware.
The "second thought" (secret) that disturbs our spontaneity is, as far as I can understand, an irrational thought that it snaps to our current needs, but reassuring illusions and fears rooted in situations ever resolved earlier. I already made it clear [cf. POST Puppies human ] that in childhood we handle unmanageable experience of rejection and humiliation. In order not to fall into a suffering greater than our capacity (incomplete) processing of pain, sometimes we cling to the illusion of being rejected for a defect or our error, and then the illusion of ourselves "redeem." We tell ourselves that way in the traditional dance systematized by the great monotheistic religions that a deity can be slaughtered for our sins, but maybe we can "improve" and "redeem." Both the infant and very private dances, and the theological (also children) overlooking one detail: children do not "deserve" NEVER to be "rejected". They can be scolded if they play with electrical outlet or "repressed" if they pull the cat's tail, but not "deserve" never a refusal, "exclusion from the security of a hug." If parents need to break that bond of security to children do so because of their folly and not due to alleged "sins" of children. This is why the theology of sin is blasphemy systematized: it assumes an even more neurotic divinity of normal parents, even as capable of imposing an exclusion "eternal."
It 'clear that if a child not to feel abandoned and intolerably alone, under the illusion of being massacred temporarily for some its inadequacy, it ends up torturing on what to do and how it should operate to be (then) accepted. Ends and then to come up with the ulterior motive of which however can not 'be aware. In fact, if the child said "in this family of crazies are not loved, but if I invent the faults I have the illusion of being loved as diligent or helpful, could not hide his despair: in fact, explicitly in the more dramatic. For this reason, when the child invents this crap does it "in secret to himself." Log into the tunnel that is the "anxiety optimistic" without recognizing what it does. To protect itself from pain with a complex reasoning (busted) but it works if it is "made operational" below the threshold of awareness. The unconscious is "this stuff here" and not a container of incestuous and destructive ideas invented by psychoanalysts crazy. Now, what happens if the child is proposed to be consciously in Boy Scouts? Is in the boy scouts and then grows and goes to the most interesting groups. If the child is proposed unconsciously absurd things just do not feel a pain, after twenty or forty years continues to execute that plan meticulously defense that no longer has any meaning. Continue to live that is, in fact, pursuing goals that six years were "useful defensive" but forty are unnecessarily devastating. It is clumsy to a conference or forty years with a girlfriend.
Unfortunately, many of the things we do can be explained by the search for security we needed four or nine years and that there are more. When a meeting is booed a speaker does not happen anything relevant to the psychological integrity of the political figure. When a pretty girl (or boy) download a suitor (or suitors) just does not happen anything serious: even though the experience can be painful is certainly tolerable. Anxiety or panic in these situations therefore has no reasonable function in the present.
Seguendo questa linea di pensiero siamo quindi arrivati ad individuare alla base della mancanza di spontaneità una ricerca (non consapevole) di “accettazione” in situazioni in cui tale ricerca non serve più. Chi parla in pubblico dovrebbe preoccuparsi di fare un servizio valido (cioè di non dire cose inutili per gli ascoltatori) e non di “fare bella figura a cinque anni”. Chi si propone di fare sesso, dovrebbe essere concentrato sul (ragionevole) obiettivo attuale piuttosto che su una possibile accettazione relativa ad un passato remoto. In pratica, se noi convivessimo consapevolmente (e dolorosamente) con il senso di solitudine e di rifiuto che non abbiamo mai accettato negli anni dell’asilo saremmo always spontaneous and we would be in a position to do things that do not interest us, or have a simple and direct ones that really concern us today. No athlete can be "spontaneously" in a triple somersault for a "stuff like that" you do with technical ability and not "spontaneously". However, the speakers would be spontaneous with the public, fans would spontaneously sex, teachers would be "cured" in teaching but informal communication and so on. Things will work well in the adult world if it works well in the world of children. This demonstrates the importance that also in terms of social functioning the way in which "Human puppies" are treated [cf. POST Alexander Neill and Summerhill School ].
The children are usually neglected and rejected, like animals, even by those who are well disposed towards them, because their surface spontaneity is valued by (almost) all but really scary. People are convinced that if not regulated the freedom of self expression in children and animals, they become destructive, while the opposite happens: it is the need to pollute the Suppression of contact, the search of affection and willingness to build harmonic relationships. Repression induces fear and anger, and then encourages more spontaneous reactions but confused, which are then misinterpreted as expressions of "natural" to be curbed. The willful child has obeyed (and arrogant in asking "things" just because he has already waived the requirement of affection), the child "antisocial" has already been humiliated and has already resigned himself to "roll up" the weakest and the dog "hell" has already given up on long walks, play and seek agreement with humans, then resigned himself to "run dry".
Spontaneity is also feared by one who proposes it. They fear the spontaneity adolescents loyal to the duties and to family and social rituals, ma temono la spontaneità anche gli adolescenti che esibiscono una ribellione inconcludente fatta di "etichette e divise": si pettinano come gallinacci punk, si sottopongono diligentemente alla tortura dei tatuaggi e si illudono di essere liberi solo perché hanno rinunciato al conformismo conformandosi all'anticonformismo; in realtà, come i carcerati nell'ora d'aria non costruiscono niente di positivo, ma si aggregano ad altri disperati in una confusa solitudine condivisa.
La spontaneità non equivale alla ribellione autorizzata (come il Carnevale) perché viene prima della repressione-ribellione e consiste nella manifestazione della curiosità, della fiducia, della voglia di un'armonia possibile. Prima di diventare soldatini o rompiballe i bambini sono stati spontanei e prima di diventare animali da circo (o da appartamento) i cuccioli sono stati spontanei. In altre parole prima di diventare mostri di obbedienza-disobbedienza sono stati autenticamente liberi e disponibili all'incontro.
La bellezza della scena del film Balla coi lupi (di Kevin Costner) in cui l'attore principale cerca di ottenere la fiducia del lupo e di fargli accettare un po' di cibo dalla sua mano è esaltante. Il lupo ha paura di questo animale sconosciuto, ma sente che non gli è ostile. Esita, si avvicina e dopo un intenso conflitto interiore accetta l'alleanza. In seguito i due "danzeranno assieme" nella notte. Tutto ciò non ha nulla to do with the complicity of "forced" between humans that induce their "friends" dogs to make races and even with the "passion" that leads many people to make bets on horse races. Children treated as recruits in training and as useful objects or animals treated as children or as "stewards of the company," are evidence of the spontaneity normally fight in progress. In the fight against crime many criminals "pay little," but the "anti-spontaneity" almost all children and almost all animals succumb and are "normalized." Yet over the wall of this mental nightmare you can experience wonderful for an adult, which is to build a relationship of trust and compared with a child or an animal.
We have already spoken of adults "anxious" that can not be spontaneous because they think "somewhere" instead of to their acceptance of what they are doing. But when adults are all the "armor" not to have even more strange anxieties, become "automatons serene" and no longer have any conflicts related to its spontaneity, have no anxiety or anxiety because they do not want to know what it means to be even more spontaneous. In such cases, people "calmly and normally crazy" they "took the plunge and have lost nothing. They believe know who they are and have the illusion of knowing that everything will be fine, since they do is "the right thing." In these cases, people can "get lost" in any character played. Two of the most popular characters of this type are those posed by "frivolous" and those related to the "seriousness". Frivolous people are people who have unbearable unwavering faith in his own liking. The people are earnest people who have unbearable unwavering faith in their ability to be appreciated. What they have in common is that they are "fugitives" are apparently here, but living in a dream world. Geese joyous or "merry" as well as the "teacher" and type "austere" as the fees are comfortable, but they live in the certainty of their splendor. In reality they have buried their true beauty in a form they consider "marketable" and that, in fact, in the years when they went to kindergarten or elementary gave them the illusion of being able to 'earn' an acceptance that in fact was not there.
Let's talk about these and other cases of normal shades of character, and not in the psychiatric sense of madness, that we are talking about variations of the "armor" that imprisons and spontaneity that remove many beautiful things: the pleasure of thinking for themselves and say what you think, freedom to say what you want to make clear demands to thank if the response is good or cry if the answer is ugly. Not only that this shell imprisons the love for oneself and for others. It prevents the acceptance of a terrible (but obvious) truth: that we are all just been loved and we are now normally treated badly, but this does not "weigh" more like when we were kids, because today we have more respect for ourselves we are good people and try to download the "normal" people (that is normally out of my head) and above all we can do more and only sensible things for ourselves and those we love.
Gianfranco
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